When it comes to the gender recognition act there are two kinds of people; those who don’t know what it is, and those who don’t like it. It’s so rare for trans-rights activists and gender criticals to be united on any subject that it’s really remarkable that one relatively short act has managed to bring them in agreeing that it’s terrible.

If you’re one of the people who doesn’t know what the act is then, to use its own introduction, it is An Act to make provision for and in connection with change of gender. In other words, when a bloke decides he’s actually a lass (or vice-versa), it’s the gender recognition act that says, “Aye, go on then, the law believes you.”

As noted, both sides have problems with it. However, there the unity ends, because both sides have very different problems. The trans-rights side say that the act is too bureaucratic, medicalises the trans condition, costs too much, and excludes those under 18, while the gender critical side say that it’s a mistake to get the law involved in verifying fairy tales.

On the face of it, these positions seem irreconcilable, and it’s made worse by some gender criticals pushing for the GRA to be repealed, which is obviously a political impossibility. But I’ve had a good old think about it and I think I have a workable plan that will suit everyone. What I’m proposing would:

• Make the GR process faster and cheaper
• Remove the need for any medical involvement
• Eliminate the time applicants would need to spend living as their acquired gender
• Allow, pretty much unopposed, the age limit for applicants to be lowered

You’ll have noticed that I’m not making many concessions to the gender critical side of the argument, and it’s about to get worse, because I’m going to give two more points to the trans-rights side.

Firstly, the gender recognition certificate will not be limited to the two, traditional (actual) sexes. Applicants will be free to apply for a gender recognition certificate that says they are non-binary. Or genderfluid. Or genderqueer. Or Faesexual. Or whatever they want. If they can manage to express their gender in words then they can officially be it. You can’t get more inclusive than that.

Finally, before my single concession to the gender critical crowd, trans activists have had a lot of complaints about gender criticals confusing sex and gender. To end this, we’ll strike out the troubling section 9 in the act that commits exactly that sin.

And, as the trans activists are getting so much, it’s only fair that the gender criticals get something, this is a compromise solution, after all. In that spirit, the legal effects of having a gender recognition certificate will be:

• You have a certificate, saying, “This certifies that [NAME] has the gender of [RANDOM GENDER SELECTED]. Then an official looking seal. Then, big red letters saying, “NOT PROOF OF IDENTITY”
• That’s it. Just the certificate. Oh, go on, we’ll keep all of this in a database as well, so replacement certificates can be ordered if needed. Ten quid each.

Gender and sex will be completely separated. Everybody can be the gender they want and everyone’s happy. Because the only legal outcome of chaning your gender is the certificate I don’t see any problem with reducing the time the process takes, the time spent living as your acquired gender, or the minimum age. Lower it to 16, hell, let’s make it 13, and the whole thing can be done on-line, with the beautifully printed certificate arriving in the post 5-7 working days later. Twenty quid, all in. No one can say that’s unaffordable.

Private businesses and similar institutions can decide if they want to organise themselves along sex or gender lines. For example, a gym could decide that its changing facilities are segregated by sex, while another might choose to go with gender. A lesbian group could be open to those of the female sex or the womanly gender, whichever they prefer.

As there is, apparently, overwhelming support for trans rights, it’s entirely possible that the sex-delineated gym and the actual lesbian-only group will struggle to attract any members at all and will fold.

Guess we’ll have to wait and see.

This simplifies a lot of things, but it does make gendered language harder, as there really will be an infinite number of possible genders. The easy solution is to assume, unless specified otherwise, all language refers to sex. After all, trans people are a tiny minority (we’re told), and every member of that community knows what sex they are, so there’s no confusion.

There we go, then. An intractable problem solved in less than 800 words. I don’t like to boast, and I certainly wouldn’t say myself that I’m a son of God, but who am I to argue with the big J? Even better, for 20 notes I’d be able to get a certificate saying that’s exactly what I am. Cool.