It’s shocking to think that in 21st Century Britain many millionaires go to bed every night, and awake every morning, hungry for more money.

They are stuck in a living nightmare, where the accumulation of money has moved far beyond the means to satiate even their wildest excesses and has become an unquenchable addiction.  Although the millionaire may consider themselves a world away from the heroin addict in the street they too will lie, steal and cheat in order to feed their addiction.  The junkie risks jail buying a stash with the proceeds of a stolen car radio so the millionaire runs the same (although much, much lower) risk by stashing their proceeds in the Caribbean.

In both cases the answer is not punitive jail terms, but rather sympathy, understanding and help.  This is why a special charity has been set up to help the wealthy who feel imprisoned by having piles of money and the ability to literally go anywhere or do anything they want.

We offer a bespoke service that allows the rich to go on accumulating wealth, but then give it to us.  Yes, the answer is, literally, to throw money at the problem, hence our charity’s name…

Not only is the HWO dedicated to helping those caught in the wealth trap, but we also promise to use the money we raise to combat social issues.  Yes, literally every penny we take from the wealthy will (after we’ve paid expenses, salaries, “miscellaneous”, etc) be spent on…I don’t know…combating poverty, donkey sanctuaries, whatever.

You can sign up now.  A direct debit of just £3k/month could make a huge difference to somebody’s life – mine, if nobody else’s – and we have different levels of membership for any amount up to £∞/nanosecond.  This simple gesture is your chance to help a loveless old billionaire, trapped in a cycle of endless hatred and wealth accumulation and put a smile on their face. When all is said and done, can you really put a price on that?