When you’re writing a blog post all about your own personal entitlement it’s all too easy to let subtle clues slip through that you really hate women. Today we’ll be looking at how you can avoid those traps and completely cover up your towering misogyny.

1. Make it clear you don’t hate all women.

Let’s face it, women who are mostly silent and completely compliant are actually pretty much OK. What you need is a term that makes those whose own wishes are subservient to your desires sound like the majority and to other those uppity bitches who won’t do what you want.

Research suggests that ‘uppity bitches’ is quite a polarising term, and tests poorly with the non-male demographic, so you’ll want to avoid that. Fortunately, the rich brown tapestry of social media has thrown up many new synonyms that you can use.

There’s the – always hilarious – ‘Karen’, who’s drunk on Prosecco and wants to see the manager, because she’s too stupid to recognise how much more privilege than you she has.

Then there’s the fashionably gender-neutral ‘Boomer’, for those who hold the antiquated opinion that the universe doesn’t revolve around your ego.

At the moment the othering heights is ‘TERF’, very catty but slightly hindered by the fact that you have to explain it, and that explanation involves feminism, which is boring and nobody is interested in.

You can get around this by making up a better acronym, something that nobody wants to be part of…

TERFs – Terrapin Eating Revolting Females

2. Explain why it’s OK to hate some women

It your argument is predominately/entirely based at women, to the extent that you don’t even want to acknowledge that men could be opposed to you, then it can sound a little bit like you’re a men’s rights activist.

To avoid this you’ll want build the case against the TERFs rationally, providing evidence at every step, and supporting your argument with examples and citations. Like this, for example…

Genetically, TERFs are indistinguishable from Hitler

That should do it, there’s no way any rational person wouldn’t be convinced by that.

3. If the words are nice, the actions don’t have to be

Naturally you’re going to want to write about taking control of women-led organisations, forcing women out of public places and off public platforms, having them de-funded, having them sacked, making them live in fear, and maybe even getting a few punches dealt their way, because if they aren’t prepared to let you dictate reality to them then they’re simply asking for all of that. However, some of it can come across as a bit harsh (no, really, people will take offence at anything these days)

Take “inclusive”. Inclusivity sounds like a worthy goal, and is so much more pleasing to the ear than “let me be in charge of everything!”. Everyone carries a scar from fascists in their lives not being inclusive; that kid who didn’t invite you to his birthday party in primary school, that girl who refused to date nerds with spots, that lesbian couple you knew who massively over-reacted to your simple request to watch.

Yes, inclusivity is good for everyone, especially when it allows you to drive women out of organisations that support women.

Feminism is also a good angle. Yes, it’s boring, but like “culture” it’s dull but worthy. Nobody can really object to something if you’re doing it in the cause of feminism.

Men’s rights activists tried to dismantle feminism, because they hated the idea of women having the power to organise and achieve their own goals. You’re the complete opposite, because you aim to make feminism stronger, by putting the best person you know – you – in charge of it.

Plus, when you walk towards a woman, meaningfully tapping your baseball bat in your hand, it’s good to know that the angels are behind you when you say, “This is for your own good.”

Failing that, you can also appeal to decency. Everyone is in favour of decency, and rarely remembers that no two people have the same standard for it. Frame the choice between decency and fascism and people normally pick the card you want, and don’t see the sleight-of-hand of you defining both terms to suit your own needs.

4. Everything you do, you do it for you

Ultimately, trying to get your own way looks selfish and even mean-spirited. This is why you need to make your goals sound like common goals for everyone.

Don’t say you want to hound all “TERFs” out of public life, say that we can only have a tolerant society if we silence them. Don’t say you’d like to beat them up, or worse, instead say that your actions are just to make life safe for everyone.  Rather than openly stating your goal of pushing women out of women’s organisations, say you’re interested in making them truly democratic.

While many people will, quite unreasonably, oppose you achieving your personal goals, it’s a lot harder for people to object to tolerance, safety and democracy. There’s a reason why despotic countries always have ‘Democratic’ in their name, you know.

5. Sound the dog-whistle, act surprised when dogs turn up

If all of this sounds like you’re being too even-handed, and giving those uppity bitches too little abuse, then don’t worry. Plenty of women-haters out there know the code, and they’ll be sure to support you with much more direct insults and threats…and you totally disown them if they cause you any hassle.

“Me? No, I was calling for a fair society for everyone. I was the idiots replying, who I totally don’t absolutely agree with, who were handing out the threats of violence.”

Whatever happens to those uppity bitches, you can sleep soundly.

Or, maybe – and this is a bit “out there” – read back what you’ve written, while remembering that these are rational adults who legitimately disagree with you, and put your fucking dick back in your pants.