We’ve all been saddened today to hear that Tata intends to close its Port Talbot steel work, to the extent that it has become the cause du jour on Twitter.

Even Jeremy Corbyn, leader of the party that is 2nd only to the Conservatives in effectively opposing the government, jumped on to the Something-must-be-done bandwagon and prayed that he didn’t have to steer it towards what, exactly, must be done.

News of Corbyn’s principled, if directionless, stand was quick to spread.  Throughout the country town criers yelled out the news, causing thatchers, flint-knappers and gas-lamp lighters to pause in their work and give thanks that, once again, their taxes would be put to the noblest of causes…propping up an economically unviable industry.

Vox populi‘s appointed spokesperson, Pat Tishan, voiced the mood of the nation. “The Tories bailed out their mates at the banks,” he said – referring to an event that didn’t happen in 2008, or any other time – “so why can’t they do they same for these 5,500 people that I’d cross the street to avoid?”

Pat was speaking from his 4-bedroom house, which is in North London, and not a post-apocalyptic wasteland, he has a nice new car made from lovely cheap Chinese steel and a Labrador that he and his family haven’t had to eat, yet under further questioning he claimed to understand irony.

An Internet petition demanding that the Prime Minister returns from holiday immediately and reconvenes parliament for emergency discussion gathered 20,000 signatures in just a few hours, making it nearly as popular as the petition demanding that the Prime Minister be prevented from returning to the country and 20,000 signatures ahead of the list of people signing up to stump up the £1 million/day that the Port Talbot works is losing.

The Port Talbot workers and spokespersons for their community expressed their gratitude for the wave of support and looked for to it having a lasting impact right up until tomorrow morning, when Donald Trump or Kay Burley makes a tit of themselves.