List of Scottish Independence Referendums
As of the present (see Distortion of time caused by travelling on a vessel at near light speeds) there have been approximately 14 referendums on Scottish independence, as summarised below.
| # | Date | First Minister | Turnout | Pro % | Anti % | Comments |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Sept. 2014 | Alex Salmond | 3,623,344 | 45% | 55% | Made Saint Referendum the Great in 2150 by Pope Jock I |
| 2 | Sept. 2017 | Nicola Sturgeon | 3,623,342 | 45% | 55% | First referendum where use of pen was legally mandated |
| 3 | May 2018 | Natalie McGarry | 37,409,345,552.8 | 95% | 25% | Result overturned owing to “voting irregularities” |
| 3a | June 2018 | Natalie McGarry | 290 | 99% | 0% | Voting only open to those in Cornton Vale. Declared an Anti-Referendum by First Minister Rehab Johnson |
| 4 | N/A | J K Rowling | 4,190,355 | 10% | 90% | Now widely agreed to have been a dream |
| 5 | January 2021 | David Coburn | 4,190,355 (coincidence) | ? | ? | Results “destroyed” when forces loyal to the SNP stormed and re-took Holyrood |
| 6 | June 2027 | Brian Spanner | 4,800,945 | 60% | 40% | Later revealed to have been ‘Just trolling’ |
| 1a | Sept 2014/Sept 2033 | Alex Salmond / Wings Over Scotland | 4,198,378 | 63% | 37% | Announced as the “real” result of referendum 1, counting the ballot boxes “found” when Wing-troopers stormed Thames House. Scientific testing suggests the dating of the box is made-up as shit |
| 7-10 | February 2034 | Wings Over Nu-Scotland | 5,888,888 | 45% | 55% | Field test for “Referendum every week” theory. Conclusion, “It’s shit” |
| 11 | Unknown | Unknown | Unknown | ? | ? | Most likely occurred after the 2041 announcement of “Let’s all get really pissed for a decade and see if that helps”. Surviving documents suggest major campaign issues were “Which episode of ‘Friends’ was best?” and “Who keeps weeing in the Forth?” |
| 11 | Oct 2053 | Alex Salmond‘s head in a jar | 78,565 | 87% | 13% | Struck down by Supreme Court ruling that Twitter polls don’t count |
| 12 | Oct 2064 | Alex Salmond‘s head in a bigger jar | 6,993,472 | 45% | 55% | Inspiration behind the popular song, “You’ve been asking the same question fir fifty years, can ye nae take a hint, man?” |
| 13 | Year 4 of the zombie apocalypse | Shaun ITV2 | 32,001,007 | 47% | 53% | Famously used the slogan, ‘Let’s cut ourselves free of this toxic wasteland populated only by the walking shells of the hungry dead’. |
| 14 | Year 308 of the Exodus | Captain Black of Gen-Ship 8 | 1 | 100% | 0% | Campaign marred by confusion over what a ‘Scotland’ was or why anybody would want an independent one. Only organiser, Nicola Sturgeon XXVII, voted. Captain declared that any Scotlands found would be independent. |
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