Wikipedia from the future presents…

List of Scottish Independence Referendums


As of the present (see Distortion of time caused by travelling on a vessel at near light speeds) there have been approximately 14 referendums on Scottish independence, as summarised below.

# Date First Minister Turnout Pro % Anti % Comments
1 Sept. 2014 Alex Salmond 3,623,344 45% 55% Made Saint Referendum the Great in 2150 by Pope Jock I
2 Sept. 2017 Nicola Sturgeon 3,623,342 45% 55% First referendum where use of pen was legally mandated
3 May 2018 Natalie McGarry 37,409,345,552.8 95% 25% Result overturned owing to “voting irregularities”
3a June 2018 Natalie McGarry 290 99% 0% Voting only open to those in Cornton Vale. Declared an Anti-Referendum by First Minister Rehab Johnson
4 N/A J K Rowling 4,190,355 10% 90% Now widely agreed to have been a dream
5 January 2021 David Coburn 4,190,355 (coincidence) ? ? Results “destroyed” when forces loyal to the SNP stormed and re-took Holyrood
6 June 2027 Brian Spanner 4,800,945 60% 40% Later revealed to have been ‘Just trolling’
1a Sept 2014/Sept 2033 Alex Salmond / Wings Over Scotland 4,198,378 63% 37% Announced as the “real” result of referendum 1, counting the ballot boxes “found” when Wing-troopers stormed Thames House. Scientific testing suggests the dating of the box is made-up as shit
7-10 February 2034 Wings Over Nu-Scotland 5,888,888 45% 55% Field test for “Referendum every week” theory. Conclusion, “It’s shit”
11 Unknown Unknown Unknown ? ? Most likely occurred after the 2041 announcement of “Let’s all get really pissed for a decade and see if that helps”. Surviving documents suggest major campaign issues were “Which episode of ‘Friends’ was best?” and “Who keeps weeing in the Forth?”
11 Oct 2053 Alex Salmond‘s head in a jar 78,565 87% 13% Struck down by Supreme Court ruling that Twitter polls don’t count
12 Oct 2064 Alex Salmond‘s head in a bigger jar 6,993,472 45% 55% Inspiration behind the popular song, “You’ve been asking the same question fir fifty years, can ye nae take a hint, man?”
13 Year 4 of the zombie apocalypse Shaun ITV2 32,001,007 47% 53% Famously used the slogan, ‘Let’s cut ourselves free of this toxic wasteland populated only by the walking shells of the hungry dead’.
14 Year 308 of the Exodus Captain Black of Gen-Ship 8 1 100% 0% Campaign marred by confusion over what a ‘Scotland’ was or why anybody would want an independent one. Only organiser, Nicola Sturgeon XXVII, voted. Captain declared that any Scotlands found would be independent.

One thought on “Wikipedia from the future presents…

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